So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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