Whod you bang
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
