put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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