So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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