well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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