Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
