so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
