jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
