Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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