I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
