i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
don't judge my taste in strippers
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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