are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize