Who wears a wallet chain?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
