I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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