He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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