i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
