I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
