i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
