he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
