Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
