Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
