he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
