Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
