Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
