so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
