yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
