Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
