Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
