he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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