watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
