five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
