I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
