I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
