It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
