My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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