You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
