Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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