Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
