yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
