started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
