so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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