I have demons in me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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