JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
