im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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