bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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