So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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