I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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