Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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