I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
