i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Someone came in the potted fern
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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