No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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