I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
