You just made me feel so damn special
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
