Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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