A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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