I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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