On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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