Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
