her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
