Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize