dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
