i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
