So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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