We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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