I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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