YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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