Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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