If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
COCAINE IS GR8
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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