i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
