At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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