I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
