I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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