halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
