I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
