So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
