Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
