Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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