she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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