I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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