I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
