Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
