Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
