I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
