belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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