Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
