why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
