Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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