my room smells like sperm. sweet.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
