I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Even my vagina gasped.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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