I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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