I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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