so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize