That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
