I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
