is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
