You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
