I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
