she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
