You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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